In fact, Kate had nearly nodded off entirely when she heard Alexis’ voice.  It sounded suspiciously like a cheerful ‘Hi Kate!’ but that couldn’t be right – it was two in the afternoon.  Alexis still had class and, barring a family emergency, Alexis would never skip class.

Kate’s eyes snapped open in realisation and her body tensed, ready to act, and she pinned Alexis with a serious stare.  “What’s wrong, Alexis?”

Alexis flinched back and adjusted the strap on her book bag.  “No-nothing?”

“Why aren’t you in class?” Kate asked, her stare softening a fraction.

“Because class is finished for the day?” Alexis said as if she were talking to her dad on one of his more thick-headed days.  Kate frowned – she didn’t like being on the receiving end of Alexis’ ‘are you dense?’ tone and she would be embarrassed to admit how many times she had had it levelled at her.

“It is?  But it’s,” Kate flicked her gaze, and her mouse, to the monitor, “…oh.  Four o’clock.  Apparently.  Sorry Alexis, I thought it was a lot earlier.”

Alexis grinned.  “Dad does the same thing, except I usually catch him writing at six in the morning under the impression that it was just past midnight.”

Kate laughed.  “I guess there’s one thing cops and writers have in common – strange hours.  So what brings you here?  If you were looking for your dad, he’s off on a coffee run.”

“In this heat?  I’m impressed – how did you convince him to leave the Precinct?”

“We drew straws.  Castle picked the short one.”  Kate’s smirk was devious and wiggled a little in her seat.  Alexis raised her eyebrows.

“Let me guess, Dad went first and all the straws just happened to be short.”

Kate’s grin widened.  “Perhaps.  Pull up a seat – Castle shouldn’t be too much longer.”

Alexis dropped down into Castle’s usual chair and pulled her bag onto her lap.  “Actually, I’m not here to talk to Dad; I was wondering if I could talk to you sometime?”

“Of course.  Wanna go grab some coffee now?” Kate asked.  “Clearly I need some.   And, either way, I also clearly need a break.”

“No, that’s alright.  I’d rather not risk running into my dad,” Alexis shrugged.  “I’m just wondering about a summer job, that’s all.”

“Got any ideas on what you want to do?” Kate asked, and then laughed.  “Then again, you probably have prospective employers lined up or you wouldn’t be talking to me, would you?”

Alexis blushed and looked away.  “Yeah….”

Kate leaned forward and looked up at Alexis.  “Hey, hey!  That’s perfectly alright, Alexis.  I’m the same way – there’s no point talking about something—”

“—Unless you’re reasonably certain it won’t fall through,” Alexis finished and Kate grinned.

“Exactly.  So what’s the plan?”

“Well, I was out shopping with Rina on Wednesday and we ran into her boss.  He took one look at me and started gushing about how I was the perfect model for one of his dresses and he offered me a job.  Rina thinks I should take it, Gram says that models have no talent, but if I want to, I should do it and Paige thinks that models are brainless morons and that I don’t need a job anyway because my dad’s rich.” Alexis said in a rush.

Ryan and Esposito, already casually eavesdropping on the conversation, glanced at each other and synchronously rolled towards Beckett’s desk.

“So now I don’t know what to do and I was hoping that you could help.”

“Modelling, huh?”  Ryan said, smirking at Beckett.  Kate glared at the duo warningly.  Predictably, they ignored her.

“Well, you certainly came to the right person for advice, isn’t that right Beckett?”  Esposito had an identical shit eating grin on his face.  Alexis raised an eyebrow and silently prompted Esposito to continue.

“Freaky how she does that,” Ryan muttered as an aside.

“You see, Little Castle, Detective Beckett here was a model once,” Esposito’s grin widened as he ducked to avoid the pen his boss threw at his head.

“When I was seventeen! And what part of ‘don’t tell Castle’ didn’t you understand?”  Beckett hissed.

“Ohhhh!  You meant all of the Castles?” Ryan said.

“Could we tell Mrs R. then?” Esposito grinned and failed to duck this time and Kate’s pen hit in square in the forehead.  “Ow!”

“Scat, you two!  Don’t you have paperwork to file?”  Beckett made shooing motions with her hands and the boys rolled off, bickering.

“Hey bro, is there pen on my head?”

“I dunno man, hold still and I’ll see!”

“Well?”

“I think so—”

There was a smack and a slight yelp of pain.

“Get your hand out of my face, Honeymilk!”

“Are you ever going to stop calling me that?  It’s been years, man!”

Kate rested her cheek on one hand and smirked sideways at Alexis.  “One thing about this job is that it’s never boring.  As for the modelling… if you want to do it, go for it.  Despite it all, I’d really regret not having modelled; it’s a bit embarrassing in hindsight, yes, but better that than spent the rest of my life wondering what I missed.  At the very least, knowledge is knowledge, wherever it came from.”

Alexis smiled and her blue eyes sparkled decisively.  “And it would only be for the summer – it’s not like I want to make a career out of modelling like Rina.  Not that I could; Dad is getting pretty weird about possible careers lately.  He doesn’t want me in a field where someone got killed on one of your cases.”

Kate rolled her eyes.  “How did I miss those conversations?  How many jobs are you down to?”

Alexis rolled her eyes back.  “One – veterinarian.”

Kate winced.  “Sorry, that one’s a no go – the guy we just caught worked at a vet clinic as a vet tech or something.”

Alexis rolled her eyes again.  “Well, I suppose now that everything has been eliminated I can threaten to bum off of him forever like Grams.”

“What’s this?” Castle said, carefully depositing his full load of coffee and assorted pastries onto Kate’s desk.  “My two favourite ladies are waiting for me?”

Kate smiled up at him fondly.  “No, I’m waiting for grande skim latte with two pumps sugar free vanilla.”

“Alas, they were out of bear claws, so I brought you a donut instead.  I hope this is acceptable?”  Castle presented the chocolate raspberry jelly donut with a flourish as Kate dug out her coffee from the tray.

Kate made a show of inspecting the donut and daintily plucked it from Castle’s hand.  She took a bite and winced as the raspberry jelly squirted out onto her hand.  Castle, laughing, swiped a bit of the jelly before it could slide off Kate’s hand and onto her paperwork, and suggestively licked it off his finger.  Kate rolled her eyes.  “Yes, Castle, the donut is indeed acceptable.”

Castle dimpled at her before turning to his daughter.  “So Alexis, what brings you to this fine establishment?”

“Just wanted to ask Kate for some advice,” Alexis said with a shrug and a smile.

“So, did the detective give good advice?”  Castle asked.

Alexis smiled.  “Yes, in fact she did, Father.”

“Of course.  When has Kate steered either of us wrong?”  Castle said with a dopey smile.  “Well, I guess there was that time with the – oh no, that’s wildly inappropriate.  Or the–”

“Castle,” Kate interrupted, “You’ve already used this joke.  Twice.  In the past week.”

“Fine,” Castle sighed melodramatically, “So what were you asking Kate about?”

“Oh, just about a summer job,” Alexis said.

“At the Precinct?  We could carpool!  Or, well, share a cab.”  Castle grinned.

“Sorry Dad, I was thinking about modelling.”  Alexis grinned at her father’s flabbergasted look.

“Modelling?”

“Yes Dad, modelling.  Rina’s boss wants me to work for him this summer.”

“But…!”

“Rick,” Kate interrupted gently, “It would just be for the summer.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Castle said, distracted by Ryan’s furtive ‘get over here’ motions.  “One sec; it looks like Ryan needs me for a minute.”  He ambled off towards the other two detectives and the three began speaking in hushed tones.  Esposito pointed something on his monitor and Castle’s eyes widened as he leaned in closer to the screen.

“Alexis,” Kate said, drawing Alexis’ attention away from her father.  “About what Paige said about you not having to work because your dad is rich?  Work anyway.  My parents had money too and I never had to worry about college funds or anything, but I found that I just felt better if I was providing for myself.”

Alexis just looked at Kate for several beats before smiling slightly.  “Yeah.”  She said.  “I think I’m the same way.”

Castle’s low whistle echoed throughout the still bullpen and Kate and Alexis returned their attention to the men.  “That had got to be one uncomfortable position to stand in – and who holds a tennis racket like that?”

Kate’s eyes widened.  “You didn’t!”  Her green eyes narrowed as she pushed herself up from behind the desk.

“Uh oh,” Ryan said.

“Scatter!”  Esposito commanded and the three men shot off in different directions.  But Kate was only interested in hunting down one man.  The man holding the flash drive.  The man who was going to be sleeping on the couch for the next few days.

“Richard Nathaniel Castle GIVE ME THAT FLASH DRIVE!” Kate yelled as Castle jumped between the closing doors of the elevator.  Karpowski just looked at Castle.  He smiled back widely.

Kate, seeing that the elevator had already left, skidded around the corner and wrenched open the door to the stairs and barrelled down them.

After a few moments of stillness, Montgomery stepped out of his office as Ryan and Esposito slunk out of the men’s washroom.  The three men gathered around the youngest Castle and stared at the elevator in amusement.

“We’re not going to see them for another hour, are we?”  Alexis asked after a long moment.  A chorus of nopes, uh uhs and yeah rights echoed from the bullpen.  “Thought so.  I think I’ll just take the subway home.”

Written mostly because I have a huge soft spot for mom!Beckett fics and because I’m currently on a quest to see how many Castle/Beckett fics I can write without them ever actually kissing.  I’m up to three (by a technicality).  And a half, if you count the half-finished fic languishing on my hard drive.

As ever, thanks is owed, and given, to the lovely Sarah/ObsidianJade for telling me that I forgot important words like ‘not’ and one of Alexis’ lines.  Without her, my stories would be even more nonsensical.

So, yeah, ego.  An ego that was stroked for years due to being the one artist and writer in one group of friends and then further fueled by the interwebs.  Needless to say, I’m an excellent candidate for experimenting on creative groups – I have more interest in the numbers and what they represent than how they reflect on my own work.  Hence my current experiment on the Castle fandom regarding review to read ratios, speed of reading and quality of reviews between FF.Net and the castle_fic LJ comm.  I mean, hey, if I’m going to be writing Castle fic like the fantard that I am, I may as well get some data out of it.

Hopefully I’ll be able to rope in some other authors who crosspost between LJ and FF.Net, plus ones that only post on FF.Net or LJ so I can get a proper set of data.

But I digress.

Last week, in a fit of boredom and annoyance, I decided that I was going to enter an OC contest for the #CriminalMindsLovers group on dA.  Yes, seriously, an OC contest.  Yes, I am 21, not 12.  Actually, that’s sort of why I entered.  You see, when I had decided to enter, the other entries consisted of hilarious emo Sues.  Because, yes, the BAU needs another child genius – Reid more than fills that role… and at least he’s in his late twenties, not eighteen with a pseudo-Japanese name.  So I was all, oh fuck you kids, I never created Sues as bad as that, even when I was your age!  (I haven’t – all my Mary Sues were the right age and they never had a ’special power’ that detracted from the canon characters.  Rather, they were almost complimentary to the cast.)

So I created Ana Novak, a geeky researcher/consultant who spends more time in Quantico than in the field.  Also, she’s in her thirties, isn’t stunningly beautiful or a genius.  She’s just an ordinary person with a fascination with overly violent crimes.  In other words, someone who could actually show up on Criminal Minds, unlike the eighteen year old punks that Hotch somehow allows to dress more extravagantly in the field than Garcia does in her batcave.  Riiight.  You’re representing the FBI (unlike Garcia – she’s a consultant/tech analyst and on a CIA watchlist and, thus, more valuable than the profilers), you’re not going to be allowed to wander around in ripped jeans.

So, yup, I went through the process of hacking up an admittedly bad drawing, submitting it and waiting until Sunday for the results.  They were exactly as I predicted (Sarah will corroborate - she was pretty certain of the opposite outcome) – I didn’t win.  Didn’t place anywhere.

Wanna know what charater won?

A sociopath.

Yes.

A fucking sociopath won a CM OC contest.  Fuck me – it’s Criminal Minds, not Dexter!

Oh!  And to make it even more hilarious?  Hotch doesn’t care that he’s a sociopath and the rest are creeped out by him but not sure why.

Yes.

A team of highly trained profilers, one of whom was involve with starting the fucking unit, wouldn’t notice or care that there’s a potential serial killer in their midst.  Cuz, y’know, it’s not like it is their job to notice these things or not.

dA is special.  I swear to god, fandom is always a dramatastic disaster but dA?  dA takes the cake in stupidity.

(At least the guy who won could draw… in a generic anime style, but, hey, better than nothing.)

PS:  Yes, I really don’t care that I won or lost – it was just a test to see what they were judging based on.  Clearly it was the ‘coolness’ or ‘uniqueness’ factor, not the ‘will this character actually fit in the universe’ category.  Besides, I got more than I expected out of this – Ana Novak actually fits quite nicely in the Caeverse.  She’s going to be the department’s profiler and violent crimes expert.

Nikki Heat smirked inwardly as she swept, fashionably late, into Rook’s magazine’s cocktail party.  The formfitting wine red dress, accented in gold, drew looks and the lithe, athletic form it cased kept the gazes on Nikki.  Despite all of the admiring stares, Nikki felt Rook’s eyes on her and she turned to face him with a saucy smile.  Rook’s Adam’s apple bobbed and he absently set his champagne glass on a nearby table.  The air between the two smouldered and the other partygoers unconsciously cleared a direct route to Nikki for Rook.

They stood facing each other, standing just a bit closer than polite society demands, and the tension crackled in the slight space between them.

Rook gave Nikki an appreciative once over (lingering on her cleavage, Nikki noted.  Not that she minded – if she hadn’t wanted him to get a good look, she would have worn a dress with a higher neckline) with a slightly lecherous smirk.  “You clean up well, Detective.”

Nikki gave Rook a once over of her own.  “And you need to shave, Rook.”

Rook ran his hand across his jaw.  “You think, Detective?”  He took half a step closer and pulled Nikki into his arms.  “Shall we dance?”

Nikki stepped out of his arms with a slight shove to Rook’s chest.  “We’re in the entryway, Rook.  And nobody is dancing.”

Undaunted, Rook placed Nikki’s arm through his.  “Then shall we relocate to the dance floor?”

Nikki rolled her eyes, “We’re at a cocktail party.  I want a cocktail.”

“The bar it is!” Rook swept Nikki off without a pause.  At the open bar, Rook was able to cut through the crowd with a smile and handful of humorous quips.  There was something to be said about being on the arm of a man who won two Pulitzers.  “Bubblies for me, sir, and the lady will have…?”

“A tequila sunrise.”

The bartender smiled and his eyes lingered a tad too long on Nikki’s cleavage.  Both Nikki and Rook frowned in response and Rook edged possessively closer to the detective.  Nikki’s frown deepened as she realised that, while she had no problem with Rook getting an eyeful, she genuinely didn’t like the idea of the bartender getting a good look as well.  Odd; she never had felt that way before – even when she’d tell men to keep their eyes up she’d be inwardly preening.  And Rook’s possessiveness.  Normally a move like that would guarantee a stiletto digging in the unfortunate man’s foot but Nikki felt herself almost leaning into his warmth.

Odd.

Fortunately, the bartender was quick with their drinks and Nikki didn’t have to contemplate her unexpected personality change as Rook had swept her off again.  Nikki didn’t mind that so much as Rook was making a direct line towards Roach – precisely the same direction she would have gone.

Conversation was brief, though, as both Raley and Ochoa were clearly more interested in the women and all four were aware that there was a small chance of any approaching for them with Nikki and Rook around.  Nikki may have been the boss and she may have been standing too close to Rook, but she was a beautiful woman that shared an obvious bond with the other two detectives.  And Rook?  Rook, intentionally or not, always stole the spotlight.

So Rook and Nikki drifted from group to group, rarely straying more than an arm’s length from each other, but generally standing just slightly too close together.  Another flute of champagne and a tequila sunrise passed and the time spent making small talk decreased as the tension and lust rose between Heat and Rook – the other partygoers were quick to excuse themselves from the uncomfortably exclusive atmosphere Nikki and Rook generated.

In a quiet moment amongst the boisterous chaos of a slightly drunk crowd of writers, editors, publishers, various other hanger-ons and their dates, Rook plucked Nikki’s nearly empty glass from her hand and set it on a nearby ledge.

“May I now have a dance?” Rook smiled, slightly hazily.  Nikki gave a languid smile back and swiped her glass off the ledge.  She downed the fiery remnants of drink and stepped closer to Rook.

“You may now,” Nikki said with a slight purr in her voice, “But no one else is dancing.”

Rook gave her a huge, boyish grin.  “Does it matter?” He asked, leading Nikki to an open spot perfect for dancing.  He pulled her into his arms and Nikki relaxed into him with a smile.

“I suppose not,” she admitted as they began to move softly to the music.

“So how shall we dance?  A waltz?”  Rook asked, leading them into a few steps of the waltz, “Or a foxtrot?”  He abruptly switched dances and Nikki moved with him fluidly.  “Or perhaps a tango?”  Rook spun Nikki out and reeled her back in with a flourish.  Nikki’s breath caught and her heart raced as Rook’s thigh slid between her own.  “I know!”  Rook exclaimed and drew back a bit from Nikki.  “The jitterbug!”  Rook switched perfectly into the dance and pulled a laughing Nikki along with him.  God it was fantastic – the band, noticing the dancing couple, also switched smoothly into a song perfect for the jitterbug – and Nikki had never laughed this hard whilst dancing and she had certainly never felt the room melt away to leave just her and her partner behind.  Dancing for fun and not a precursor to sex was something she hadn’t done for a long time.

A few brave couples ended up joining in on Nikki and Rook’s dance, including Ochoa and a lady he had skilfully charmed, and the band playing a more modern song next caused more people to join the impromptu dance floor.

“Well look at that,” Rook said with a smile as he pulled Nikki close to him, “We’re trendsetters.”  They started dancing again, too close together to fit a sheet of paper through, and Nikki knew that this dance was a precursor to sex.  But then Rook gave her a playful smile and a devilish wink and she realised that, with Rook, the jitterbug was as well.

The blood flowed headily throughout Nikki’s body as she swayed provocatively with Rook.  They lasted another dance, almost two, before Rook’s hand slid down to cup her nicely shaped (and firmly toned) ass and squeezed gently.  Nikki gasped and her back arched slightly, pushing her breasts into Rook’s chest and he smiled down at her, eyes dark with lust.  As Nikki smiled back up at him, she realised that she didn’t want to wait until they got to her apartment – she didn’t even want to wait until they got into a cab.  Her eyes took on a smoky darkness as she tugged Rook gently through the crowd.

They stumbled into a secluded corner and crashed together, lips moving fiercely and panting wetly between frantic kisses.  Rook’s hands were lifting up her dress and Nikki was making a mess out of his tie when she finally managed to pull back long enough to gasp a single word.

“Where?”  She asked, diving right back into their kiss.  Rook groaned and pulled back unwillingly.

“I know where a secondary coat closet is,” Rook mumbled between kisses.  “It won’t be in use – there aren’t enough people here tonight.”

“Great,” Nikki had finally managed to remove his tie and, at loss of where to put it, she shoved it in his jacket pocket, “Lead us there.”

Rook led Nikki stealthily, or as stealthily as they could manage (which wasn’t very – their disappearance and brief, dishevelled reappearance had attracted the attention of Raley, who wasn’t having as much luck with the ladies as either of his friends), and, laughing (Nikki refused to admit that she, quite possibly, was giggling), lurched into the fortunately unlocked, and unused, coat closet.

Unable to think of a way to keep the door closed, Rook pushed Nikki up against it and she pulled him forcibly down for another kiss.  Nikki’s hands made quick work of the buttons on his shirt, this time not daring to rip them off since they still had to leave the building with some semblance of normality, and she ran her hands appreciatively over Rook’s nicely defined chest.  Rook moaned and nipped sharply at Nikki’s neck as she brushed her thumb over one of his flat nipples.  Her hands trailed down his chest and her nails scratched at his stomach before undoing his fly and starting to push down his pants.

Rook gripped Nikki’s hips with both hands and hoisted her up against the door.  She swiftly wrapped her legs around Rook’s waist and gasped though when Rook pushed down her (thankfully braless) dress and closed a hot mouth over her nipple.

“God, Rook!” She gasped and she felt Rook’s mouth curve into a smug smile against her breast.  Nikki feverishly attempted to push his boxers down with her feet and, with little success, gripped the back of Rook’s jacket tightly.  Rook pushed Nikki’s dress up and his eyes widened when he unexpectedly didn’t come across something.

Nikki smirked slyly, “One can’t have panty lines in a dress like this.”

“Oh God,” Rook said and pulled her in for a searing kiss.

Nikki pulled back desperately, “Do you-”

“Jacket pocket.  The one without the tie.”  Despite their best efforts, and they did almost manage to at least remove his boxers, rolling the condom on was a task not suited for either of their current manual dexterity and Nikki was forced to drop to the floor as Rook hurriedly put it on.  Nikki was soon pushed up against the door with Rook pushing into her and both let out a sigh of sheer bliss.

Rook paused for a moment and smiled at Nikki, gently, almost chastely, kissing her.  After that kiss, it was fast and hot and explosive and everything that Nikki needed right then and it was a moment so close to perfect and she felt hot tears building in her eyes.  And Rook collapsed against her, burying his face between her shoulder and her neck and she heard her feet hit the floor but didn’t feel it, still too wrapped up in the man whose hair she was running through her fingers.

“Wow,” Rook finally said, mumbling into her shoulder.  He placed a gentle kiss there and pulled back to see Nikki’s face.

“Yeah,” Nikki agreed.  “Wow.”

“Do you want to go back to my apartment?” Rook asked after a long pause.

“Right now?” Nikki asked.

“Yeah,” Rook said.

“Okay,” Nikki agreed, pulling her dress reasonably into order.  She helped Rook do up the buttons on his shirt, stealing gentle kisses as she did up each one.  They both attempted to smooth down each other’s hair but chalking it up as an impossible task.

“We’ll just have to sneak out then,” Rook said, “And hope that nobody notices us.”  Nikki slowly opened the door and glanced into the hallway.

“Clear,” she murmured and Rook laughed.  “What?”

“Always a cop, aren’t you, Detective?”  Nikki swatted him playfully and Rook retaliated by pulling her flush to his side.  The two ambled along, Nikki cuddled up against his side, wrapped up in each other and forgetting to make a quick escape.  They rounded a corner and spotted a side door, and they smiled, thinking that they were home free.

No such luck.

“Well, well, well,” Raley’s voice drifted down the hall and the two whipped around to see him, and Ochoa (who had evidently decided that watching his boss sneak out of a party far more entertaining than the woman he was dancing with), walking their way towards Nikki and Rook.

“Leaving without saying goodbye,” Ochoa placed a hand melodramatically over his heart.  “I’m wounded, guys.”

“I’m sure you’ll get over it,” Nikki said, her sharp tone unwillingly softened by the blush staining her cheeks.

“And we are saying goodbye now,” Rook said, tightening his arm around Nikki’s waist and turning them around.

“You two have a good night,” Raley called to their backs.

“Don’t stay up too late – tomorrow’s a Wednesday!” Ochoa added.

“No, no, please do – I’d like to have a morning off,” Roach grinned as their boss, not turning around, flipped them the bird whilst exiting the building.

“C’mon,” Raley said to Ochoa, “Let’s get back to the party – now that Rook is gone, there’ll be more women out there for us.”

I was wrong.

Writing smutfic about a character who shares a name with you is way weirder.

Coincidently enough, this was written, primarily, between the hours of one and three am on Sunday night.

Thanks is owed, as always, to Sarah (ObsidianJade) who was quick to point out some rather… anatomically difficult tasks I had assigned Nikki and Rook as well as assuring me that I totally didn’t completely fail at my latest writing venture.  Sometimes even this arrogant scientist needs reassuring.

—

It was two am and Katherine Beckett could not sleep.  Not an uncommon occurrence – her all nighters spent staring at the murder board, followed by power naps in the break room, (and that time she broke into the Captain’s office and passed out on his much more comfortable couch) were a bit of a legend in the Twelfth Precinct.  But it wasn’t murder keeping Beckett awake that night.

No.

It was far more frustrating problem.  And it was all Castle’s fault.

The relaxing bubble bath with wine, scented candles and soft, ambient music, while perhaps a good idea for unwinding after a long day of paperwork with none of Castle’s antics, turned out to be not-so-relaxing when she hauled in her collection Richard Castle’s novels.  Even that, though, would not have been a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that the wine went straight to her head (or maybe a little farther south) and she started her own Castle smutathon.

And so, by the time the water cooled, Kate Beckett had spent over an hour in the bath reading in chronological order, of course, Castle’s twenty-six (seven, including Heat Wave) bestsellers (plus the ones that didn’t sell quite so well) purely for the sex scenes.

Yeah.

Bad idea.

Especially, Kate rolled over and groaned into her pillow, since I used to wear off this Castlelust by writing smutty Derrick Storm fic.

But, no, Kate Beckett was not going to lower herself to writing fanfiction for books written by a man she saw damn near every day.  It was bad enough knowing that she had written them in the past, and even posted them to the internet (on multiple sites, even!), but she was certainly not going to lower herself to writing them again.

Especially since, as soon as Castle started following her around, she had mass deleted all of the fanfiction she had ever written about his characters.  Sadly, her resolve had only lasted a week – she had caved to the online peer pressure and reposted all of the fics, mostly to prove that she wasn’t one of the fans who vowed to Never Read Richard Castle Again Since He Killed Off Derrick Storm.

End result?  She was still active in the Castle communities and had watched the explosion of fic that had followed the release of Heat Wave.  It was alarming.  People really liked the Nikki Heat character – there were, of course, the obligatory Nikki Heat bashfics (briiiiing Derrick Storm baaaack!), but overall, the authors seemed to revel in her literary alter ego.

Kate sighed and beat her fist into her pillow.  Clearly she wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight, and her friends had been clamouring for some Heat/Rook smut from her…  How hard could it be to write about Nikki Heat?  She knew as much, more even, about the character as Castle did.  And it wasn’t as if she couldn’t figure out Rook.

Oh, God.

She was not seriously considering writing for a ship that was, for all intents and purposes, her and Castle.

But Castle did, her traitorous mind pointed out.  He clearly has no problems with our alter egos getting it on.

Ultimately, that was what convinced Kate to boot up her laptop, pour herself another glass of wine and open Word.  She stared at the blank document, feeling more embarrassed than the first time she wrote a Castle smut fic – and that had been years upon years ago before there was even a hint of Derrick Storm on the horizon.  She took a large swallow of wine for fortification and, shuddering, she began to write.

Nikki Heat smirked inwardly as she swept, fashionably late, into Rook’s magazine’s cocktail party.  The formfitting wine red dress, accented in gold, drew looks and the lithe, athletic form it cased kept the gazes on Nikki.  Despite all of the admiring stares, Nikki felt Rook’s eyes on her and she turned to face him with a saucy smile.  Rook’s Adam’s apple bobbed and he absently set his champagne glass on a nearby table.  The air between the two smouldered and the other partygoers unconsciously cleared a direct route to Nikki for Rook….

–

“Good morning, Beckett!” Castle swivelled around in a chair – her chair – with a beatific grin on his face.  “Coffee?”

Kate growled faintly, accepted the coffee and glared, annoyed by Castle’s perpetual chair stealing.  Castle looked blankly up at her for a moment before the flash of understanding went across his face.  The man either never bothered to hide his emotions or had inherited more than his charm and flair from the dramatic from his mother.

Seemingly in response to her thoughts (perhaps he inherited the psychic powers as well?), Castle had leapt up and held out her chair in a gentlemanly manner.  With a small smile and a mostly feigned suspicious look, Beckett sank gracefully into her seat and Castle gallantly rolled her forward.  She raised an eyebrow at his antics and he just smiled and gave an extravagant bow.

“My, my Beckett, are those bags under your lovely eyes?  Were you up all night?  Was it murder?  I’m hurt – why didn’t you call me?” Castle’s shocked air turned lascivious and he leaned in, “Or was it a man?”

Beckett rolled her eyes.  “Hardly.”

Castle gasped, one hand flying to his heart.  “It was a woman!  Why didn’t you call me, Beckett?”

Beckett huffed, “Don’t flatter yourself, Castle.  What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“I woke up early this morning – really early – five am early – and I have finally managed to bypass Alexis’ parental controls on my–” Castle started.

“Ah!” Beckett held up a hand.  “I do not need to hear any more!”

“No, no,” Castle said, “You’ve got it all wrong – the parental controls weren’t for, uh, adult sites (why would I need those anyway?), they were for the Castle fansites.”

“The Castle fansites?” Beckett said blankly.

“Yes!  And in the year I’ve been away, there has been a veritable explosion of activity!  My favourite author–”

“Favourite author?”

“Of fanfiction.  It turns out that she had deleted all of her stories, but not because of the killing off Derrick Storm thing, and reposted it in the time I’ve been away.  She hadn’t written anything new, though, until just this morning (it was fate, I swear!) and, whew, let me tell you, that was one hot scene between Heat and Rook.”  Castle sighed happily.  “I really wish I could meet this woman.”

Kate Beckett just stared at him in horror.

—

A/N: My attempts at swearing off writing fanfiction never seem to succeed… which is insanely meta considering the subject matter of this fic.  So, yes, maybe Kate is a little too much like me but, hey, it’s crack!fic.

Unrelated, but awesome(ish) – this fic was the first fanfic posted publicly to Google Wave.  Go Castle fandom!

I blame my beta, Sarah (ObsidianJade), for this fic (even if it was an accidental self-prompt).  Somehow both of the fics I wrote in the past year are all her fault.

PS:  I now know how weird it is for people to write fic about characters who share their name.  I’m still not sure if I should be offended by Nikki Heat or not…

ObsidianJade adds:  I’ll happily take blame for this one, it’s hilarious.  I’d happily take blame for a multitude more of stories from Nikki, but she doesn’t co-operate!

Unsurprisingly, I was among them, as well as being crazy enough to demand a time machine (@Navarr helpfully provided a time loop machine, thus adding even more fandom to my already fandom full twitter feed).

So.

Yeah.

Trailer good Nikki happyyyy.  I mean, whoa, ’splosions and War Machine and Pepper makin’ out with the helmet omg!  The last one on the list was surprisingly hot – I predict that the Tony/Pepper LJ comm is gunna explode with ficlets about that kiss and their exchange – “Go get ‘em boss” “You complete me!” – so deliciously shippy.  I’d hope that that would make the T/P die hards stop freaking out over potential Tony/Natasha but, well, that’d be a pipe dream and I’m not all that naive when it comes to fandom and shipping.

Honestly, a Tony/Natasha/Pepper triangle could be pretty fun!  Of course, I’m a die hard Sam/Jack shipper who thought that the Sam/Pete subplot of season eight of SG-1 was pretty damn awesome.  Will the fantards ever learn that the first ship, in mainstream entertainment, is always (to the best of my knowledge – obviously there are going to be exceptions, but those are too rare to be concerned about) the canon one?  So there’s a few hiccups on the road to true love – who cares?  It’s insanely entertaining!

Also, there are explosions and preeeeetty whips (even if Trav is right about the ground hitting != very exciting whip work) and Tony in a Formula 1 car and dancing Iron Girls and eeeeee!

Is it May 7th yet?!

On a non movie related note, I’ve finally got around to finishing the first season of Iron Man: Armoured Adventures.  Despite the iffy animation, the occasional omg that was SO BAD line (but that can be forgiven because all kids shows, no matter how good, have terrible lines like that.  Plus, they lampshade a lot of the cliche dialogue) and Tony & Co as sixteen year old kids, the show is actually really good.  It is very well written with nicely paced episodes and well rounded characters.  It’s actually quite fascinating that they decided to go the route of the Mandarin being one of Tony’s closest friends and making him a good, if misguided, guy.  All the main villains are like that, to tell you the truth.  The Living Laser ends up giving his life to save Tony’s (and it wasn’t done ham handedly), Madame Masque is one screwed up girl (she ends up clean slated to her pre-Masque days, however, so I suppose a lot of character development just went down the drain.  Y’know, just like what Fraction has probably done in IIM), Obadiah Stane didn’t kill Howard…

Yeah.

Good stuff.

And, to think, apart from the kid!Tony aspect, my most (mentally) complained about aspect of the show was the fact that the Mandarin was only after the five Makluan Rings not the ten there are in comic canon.  But the end of the season finale?  Ohhh yeah, it’s all about Gene realising that he only has half of the Rings, which has the unfortunate side effect of his power lust and poor self esteem tricking him into believing that he would have worth if he got the other half and, thus, abandoning thoughts of giving up the Rings and rebuilding his friendship with Tony.

But enough about the villains.

Tony is actually pretty Tony-ish for a kids show that wouldn’t approve of his boozing, womanising ways.  He’s still an impulsive, stubborn, arrogant git with a bit of a god complex.  It’s pretty easy to see his rage, guilt and lack of self worth leading him to the bottle in the near future and, while he’s mostly oblivious to women at the moment, they’re already beginning to fawn over him and it won’t be long until he starts using his charm on them.

Pepper is, quite frankly, annoying but with just enough moments of awesome to keep you from completely hating her.  She’s absolutely nothing like the controlled woman in the comics – she’s bouncy, hyper and gabs a mile a minute, quite possibly due to an overly large daily sugar intake.  Yet, those same traits are found in comic!Pepper – both think fast, are kinda bossy and are able to send a dozen texts in under a minute.  They’re also both intensely loyal with a strong moral integrity.

As for Rhodey… well, I haven’t been following War Machine and he doesn’t exactly show up in IIM all that often.  In the cartoon, he’s the calm, level headed one in charge of the base of operations.  He’s initially reluctant to fly the suit (and ends up crashing with enough velocity to create a massive crater), but he does eventually claim the War Machine armour as his own.  He’s a good problem solver and, while not as intuitive as Tony, can think his way out of problems in a clear and logical manner.  Pepper, on the other hand, is more manipulative and generally functions as crowd control and deals with the masses.

Happy?  Happy’s a total idiot with mad skills at piloting the suit.  He’s actually pretty damn funny for the dumb jock stereotype.

BUT, yes, long story short?  Good characters, good long term story arc and good individual episodes.  omg, I can’t wait for the next season!  Gene is unveiled as the Mandarin after Tony and Rhodey reveal themselves as Iron Man and the newly created superhero, War Machine so, yes, angst overload!  Oh, and Gene’s step dad blew up Tony’s lab so they’re down to two suits – the backpack suit (yes, the show puts in as many references to the comics as possible) and the War Machine armour.

Also, Fin Fang Foom was there.  Yay dragons!

*fangirly flail*

Yes, Fringe is all about mistakes in (fake) science.

This mistake, however, holds the singular claim (for this show) of pissing me off.

The mistake?  Nina Sharp was explaining to Olivia about why the two universes cannot be brought together – one will inevitably be destroyed.

Yes, that’s a pretty common theory and it always shows up in science fiction.  In fact, I have absolutely no problem with that – it’s effing theoretical physics so do whatever the hell you want.

Just don’t mutilate quantum mechanics whilst you do so.

You see, Nina’s reasoning for why two universes can’t exist at the same time was ‘you know the Pauli Exclusion Principle?’ and then smush the two snow globes together and one breaks whilst the other is perfectly intact.  Immediately, I hit the pause button on my dvr and yelled at the tv ‘but that’s not what the Pauli Exclusion Principle says!’  I also wished that I was watching this live so I could get on the twitters and tweet about it, but my twitter addiction is not the topic of today’s blog.

While the wiki article on the Pauli Exclusion Principle is pretty technical and could almost imply that two of the same things cannot exist at the same time, you do have to remember that things on the quantum level do not apply to the macroscopic world.  Last I checked, my location wasn’t uncertain.  I’m really damn sure that I’m sitting in front of my computer writing this blog entry.  However, that electron?  Yeah, that one over there.  Well, it might not actually BE over there.  It could be here.  Or there.

And somehow I got onto Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle and the Born Interpretation instead of the Pauli Exclusion Principle.

Right.

Well, I am in a class about quantum mechanics right now.

The Pauli Exclusion Principle simply states that a fermion cannot exist twice in a quantum state.  More generally, two electrons with the same spin cannot be in the same quantum state.   They have to be of opposite spins.

Figure 1 is hydrogen. Yeah, it’s pretty boring.  One electron in the 1s orbital.  That electron could be pointing up or down (ie, of either spin), but by convention we write it upwards.

Figure 2 is helium… sort of.  In this example, two electrons are in the 1s orbital.  However, both electrons have the same spin.  That is what the Pauli Exclusion Principle says we cannot do.

Figure 3 is also helium.  Two electrons in the 1s orbital however, the second is pointing downwards, thus signifying a spin in the other direction.  That is the correct way of drawing the 1s orbital.

(The electrons can also be drawn on top of the line.  In fact, I had one chem prof who wanted them drawn that way and a different chem prof who wanted them to be drawn through the line.  Clearly, I like the second chem prof more.)

So, yeah, absolutely nothing to do with two universes colliding.

Great job on the science there Fringe.  Great job.

At least Stargate made up a nonsense reason for why two people from different universes can’t exist in one universe at the same time.  Entropic Cascade Failure ftw!

Long story short?  If you’re going to make up science, make up science.  Don’t try to manipulate actual scientific principles to suit your own needs.

Buuut I’ll put it under a cut cuz I really hate uncut long articles on blogs.

• House – I’m pretttty sure the perma-stubble gives away the gender of the lead character
• Chuck – The last time I checked, Sarah wasn’t the lead character
• Castle – Third show in a row to be named after the male lead? Niiiice Nikki, niiice.
• The Big Bang Theory – One female character in the regular cast. ’nuff said.
• Fringe – I’m not sure on this one… Olivia is sorta the main character, but Walter steals the screen and Peter is almost as important as Olivia.  It is a bit too ensemble-y with the three leads to really count as a female lead. Getting close, though!
• Criminal Minds – This show has not one, but two male leads
• Bones – Brennan and Booth are equally important, as seen by the title screen with both Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz in the most equal manner possible
• Eleventh Hour – Canceled, yes, but Rufus Sewell (aka, the male lead) is yummy enough for me to watch the show again… and again… and again…. Oh, the science is great too.
• Sanctuary – Amanda Tapping!
• Eureka – Male lead. But, wut wut, the not-Tony-Stark character is on the screen?  Get that sheriff outta my line of sight!
• Stargate SG-1 – While Sam Carter should have been the lead character after Richard Dean Anderson left the show, it was not to be.
• Stargate Atlantis – Ultimately, John Sheppard is the lead character of this series… though Elizabeth Weir and Sam Carter lead the expedition for four seasons and (Meredith) Rodney McKay stole the show with awesomeness.
• Star Trek: TOS, TNG, ENT – Combined cuz I’m lazy and, well, the Captain is male. ’nuff said.  (DS9 is excluded simply because I haven’t had a chance to watch that series yet.)
• Star Trek: Voyager – Honestly?  I find most of the male characters rather boring. But, yay, short redheaded female captains ftw!
• The X-Files – C’mon, there are only two main-main characters (what? I need to separate M+S from Skinner, Reyes and Doggett somehow) and they share the lead pretty well – whilst Mulder will run off without Scully, the weird stuff tends to happen to her, not him.
• Warehouse 13 – It’s in the vein of The X-Files and Bones so Myka and Pete are co-main characters, I guess
• Defying Gravity – Ensemble cast, but the two leaders of the expedition are male

So, yeah, long story short?  There generally aren’t any clearly dominant female leads in the stuff I watch.  This also applies to novels (unless they were written for women), but I’m not going to make a massive list of that because A) I’ve read way too many books in my life time and B) I don’t even remember all the names or the authors of most of the books I’ve read.

And I’m not going to bother listing comics because those are written for men and I expect the lead characters to be male and I half expect that the female characters are going to suck.  Some of them don’t, but I find that male writers tend to have women that are just… weird.  They don’t seem like they’re people, y’know?  Not that I’m dissing male writers – the opposite definitely holds true for female writers.  Seriously, read any yaoi recently?  Half of the time one or both of the characters take on a distinctly feminine feel.  And that’s even in fanfic where the character isn’t canonically girly.

Again, the opposite often is true for men writing femslash.

Naturally, I began wondering why it is this way and, wellll, beyond the ‘women/men can’t write men/women’, I haven’t come up with a good reason.  Of course, I’ve come up with reasons, but my idealistic self doesn’t want them to be true and my feminist self doesn’t believe that they’re good reasons.

Simply put, my other reasons all involve sexism – too many male writers/producers/executives that all believe that men could never relate to a female character.  And, thus, for whatever reason they have decided that lead characters must be male because either A) women don’t count (from a marketers standpoint, that’s technically true since, in some workplaces, women still make a lower salary than men.  Add in the fact that it still seems to be women who leave the workforce to raise children and you have a definite skew towards men making, and thus spending, more money.  Thus, you’d want men to be watching the show and commercials and, thus, buying stuff) or, B) they feel that women can relate to men (or throw in a secondary female character for women to relate to).

Yeah.

You can see why I hope that I’m not right.

For interests of full disclosure, I’m kind of guilty of this as well – my lead characters tend to be female and, in the story that still only has a WIP name (currently Forced Fate), my two main characters are both female and, of my three secondary characters, two are male.  Not a very gender balanced cast, but I’d rather have the cast skewed in one direction over it being dead even because casts with exactly as many women as there are men often seem a little bit contrived.  It can be done, but I don’t think I could pull it off.

Besides, I don’t think about that sort of thing while writing – I just come up with characters and put them together.  If they happen to be male, fine by me.  It really does not make a difference to me.

And, perhaps, that’s just how tv is written as well.

But I doubt it.

And, yes, Defying Gravity is most certainly lives up to its pitch.  In the first two episodes we’ve got sex in zero g, sex normal g and sex with oneself.  (Assuming that Steve found the porn.  Whether or not it was zero g remains to be seen.)  Hilarious shit, really.

For the soap opera drama angle, we’ve got Zoe, Zoe and more of Zoe.  “Oh noes!  I’m preggers cuz I believed a guy who said that he had a vasectomy!”  Of course, she desperately wants to get into space so she has an (illegal) abortion and is now wandering around the ship hearing a baby crying.  Problems with the last sentence?  I find it very, very hard to believe that abortion will be illegal in 2052 what with the population crisis we’ve got now and the fact that, for the most part, people seem to get more liberal as time goes on, not less.  To clarify, I’m not saying that each individual person gets more liberal (probably the opposite, to tell you the truth),  I’m saying that people in general between each generation.  The second problem?  Is a woman who freaked out over failing her psych eval really going to wander around the ship going ‘does anybody hear that?’ whenever she hears a baby crying?  C’mon, she’s got to be a smart woman – she’s on the bloody space ship after all – surely she knows that it’s all in head.

Good thing that Zoe herself doesn’t bother me.  I can put up with her angst, unlike Meredith on Grey’s who is just an annoying attention whore.

The only other characters that really interest me are the theoretical physicist (for obvious reasons – liking the theoretical physicist characters never steered me wrong in Stargate, for example), Steve the-guy-trying-to-hack-into-the-alleged-porn, Ajay, the Hindu dude who goes crazy and decides to paint his face and attempt suicide-via-space-walk, and the antagonist whom Donner sucker punches.  Also known as the only three characters even slightly fleshed out in the first two episodes.  Well, except for Mr. Sucker Punched – he just amuses me because he is such the cliche evil boss who knows more than you type.

Well, Donner was fleshed out too.  But, despite his angsty past (“oh noes!  I left my girlfriend to die on Mars!”), he’s pretty boring.  Probably because he stands around with no facial expression and then randomly beats the shit out of people.  And not in the awesome way Teal’c does so.

Ah well, enough about the characters.  Time for plot!

Plot One:  Have lots of sex in space.
Plot Two:  Visit a bunch of planets in six years.
Plot Three:  Beta.

Yes, yet another science fiction (or, hell, science fact) show that uses the Greek alphabet for its Mysterious Object.  I’d ask if they’d ever use a different alphabet, but I think real life science is to blame for this cliche.  From the perspective of a chemistry undergrad, everything uses the Greek alphabet in science.  Oh, how I loathe alpha and beta.  Why why why must you look so much like a and b and, yet, are often used with the variables a and b?!  Gamma is bad too, what with it looking like a y.

Anyway.  Beta.

So the premise of Beta is that it’s a mysterious object/entity that is, well, controlling the entire mission.  It is the one that chose who would go and who would be left behind.  The people on the Antares are (currently and except for one) unaware of its existence and the people on earth don’t understand it.  Sounds like a right fine combination to me what with it having the ability to make people sick (and reverse vasectomies, maybe?) and all.  I’m not sure what it is yet, but I’m leaning towards some sort of alien intelligence what with it ‘coming to them’ and choosing people for unknown reasons for the mission.  Whatever it is, it apparently inhabits pod 4.  Additionally, I think it may have some sorta communication with the HALOS, a libido suppressor that doesn’t seem to work, or the medipatches.  But that’s purely speculation from a writer’s standpoint.

Not much else to say about it other than the fact that it throws Defying Gravity straight into the science fiction category.  Yes, yes I know, I know that the show is already SF what with it being a little over 40 years in the future (christ – I’ll be nearly dead then) but, for whatever reason, I don’t see travelling about our solar system as SF.  Yes, even though I don’t believe that we’ll be travelling around our solar system in 2052.  What can I say?  I watch a lot of Trek and Stargate.

But, really, my problem with Beta is that the show would be perfectly interesting without it and you could probably then convince some non-sci-fi fans to watch the show.  Which, in all honesty, is what the show needs.  Science fiction skews male and Grey’s skews female.  The show is playing to a very small demograph – female SF fans.

To sum it up, I’ve rather enjoyed the first two episodes, but I doubt that the show will last.  I guess I’ll just enjoy it while I can!