In fact, Kate had nearly nodded off entirely when she heard Alexis’ voice.  It sounded suspiciously like a cheerful ‘Hi Kate!’ but that couldn’t be right – it was two in the afternoon.  Alexis still had class and, barring a family emergency, Alexis would never skip class.

Kate’s eyes snapped open in realisation and her body tensed, ready to act, and she pinned Alexis with a serious stare.  “What’s wrong, Alexis?”

Alexis flinched back and adjusted the strap on her book bag.  “No-nothing?”

“Why aren’t you in class?” Kate asked, her stare softening a fraction.

“Because class is finished for the day?” Alexis said as if she were talking to her dad on one of his more thick-headed days.  Kate frowned – she didn’t like being on the receiving end of Alexis’ ‘are you dense?’ tone and she would be embarrassed to admit how many times she had had it levelled at her.

“It is?  But it’s,” Kate flicked her gaze, and her mouse, to the monitor, “…oh.  Four o’clock.  Apparently.  Sorry Alexis, I thought it was a lot earlier.”

Alexis grinned.  “Dad does the same thing, except I usually catch him writing at six in the morning under the impression that it was just past midnight.”

Kate laughed.  “I guess there’s one thing cops and writers have in common – strange hours.  So what brings you here?  If you were looking for your dad, he’s off on a coffee run.”

“In this heat?  I’m impressed – how did you convince him to leave the Precinct?”

“We drew straws.  Castle picked the short one.”  Kate’s smirk was devious and wiggled a little in her seat.  Alexis raised her eyebrows.

“Let me guess, Dad went first and all the straws just happened to be short.”

Kate’s grin widened.  “Perhaps.  Pull up a seat – Castle shouldn’t be too much longer.”

Alexis dropped down into Castle’s usual chair and pulled her bag onto her lap.  “Actually, I’m not here to talk to Dad; I was wondering if I could talk to you sometime?”

“Of course.  Wanna go grab some coffee now?” Kate asked.  “Clearly I need some.   And, either way, I also clearly need a break.”

“No, that’s alright.  I’d rather not risk running into my dad,” Alexis shrugged.  “I’m just wondering about a summer job, that’s all.”

“Got any ideas on what you want to do?” Kate asked, and then laughed.  “Then again, you probably have prospective employers lined up or you wouldn’t be talking to me, would you?”

Alexis blushed and looked away.  “Yeah….”

Kate leaned forward and looked up at Alexis.  “Hey, hey!  That’s perfectly alright, Alexis.  I’m the same way – there’s no point talking about something—”

“—Unless you’re reasonably certain it won’t fall through,” Alexis finished and Kate grinned.

“Exactly.  So what’s the plan?”

“Well, I was out shopping with Rina on Wednesday and we ran into her boss.  He took one look at me and started gushing about how I was the perfect model for one of his dresses and he offered me a job.  Rina thinks I should take it, Gram says that models have no talent, but if I want to, I should do it and Paige thinks that models are brainless morons and that I don’t need a job anyway because my dad’s rich.” Alexis said in a rush.

Ryan and Esposito, already casually eavesdropping on the conversation, glanced at each other and synchronously rolled towards Beckett’s desk.

“So now I don’t know what to do and I was hoping that you could help.”

“Modelling, huh?”  Ryan said, smirking at Beckett.  Kate glared at the duo warningly.  Predictably, they ignored her.

“Well, you certainly came to the right person for advice, isn’t that right Beckett?”  Esposito had an identical shit eating grin on his face.  Alexis raised an eyebrow and silently prompted Esposito to continue.

“Freaky how she does that,” Ryan muttered as an aside.

“You see, Little Castle, Detective Beckett here was a model once,” Esposito’s grin widened as he ducked to avoid the pen his boss threw at his head.

“When I was seventeen! And what part of ‘don’t tell Castle’ didn’t you understand?”  Beckett hissed.

“Ohhhh!  You meant all of the Castles?” Ryan said.

“Could we tell Mrs R. then?” Esposito grinned and failed to duck this time and Kate’s pen hit in square in the forehead.  “Ow!”

“Scat, you two!  Don’t you have paperwork to file?”  Beckett made shooing motions with her hands and the boys rolled off, bickering.

“Hey bro, is there pen on my head?”

“I dunno man, hold still and I’ll see!”

“Well?”

“I think so—”

There was a smack and a slight yelp of pain.

“Get your hand out of my face, Honeymilk!”

“Are you ever going to stop calling me that?  It’s been years, man!”

Kate rested her cheek on one hand and smirked sideways at Alexis.  “One thing about this job is that it’s never boring.  As for the modelling… if you want to do it, go for it.  Despite it all, I’d really regret not having modelled; it’s a bit embarrassing in hindsight, yes, but better that than spent the rest of my life wondering what I missed.  At the very least, knowledge is knowledge, wherever it came from.”

Alexis smiled and her blue eyes sparkled decisively.  “And it would only be for the summer – it’s not like I want to make a career out of modelling like Rina.  Not that I could; Dad is getting pretty weird about possible careers lately.  He doesn’t want me in a field where someone got killed on one of your cases.”

Kate rolled her eyes.  “How did I miss those conversations?  How many jobs are you down to?”

Alexis rolled her eyes back.  “One – veterinarian.”

Kate winced.  “Sorry, that one’s a no go – the guy we just caught worked at a vet clinic as a vet tech or something.”

Alexis rolled her eyes again.  “Well, I suppose now that everything has been eliminated I can threaten to bum off of him forever like Grams.”

“What’s this?” Castle said, carefully depositing his full load of coffee and assorted pastries onto Kate’s desk.  “My two favourite ladies are waiting for me?”

Kate smiled up at him fondly.  “No, I’m waiting for grande skim latte with two pumps sugar free vanilla.”

“Alas, they were out of bear claws, so I brought you a donut instead.  I hope this is acceptable?”  Castle presented the chocolate raspberry jelly donut with a flourish as Kate dug out her coffee from the tray.

Kate made a show of inspecting the donut and daintily plucked it from Castle’s hand.  She took a bite and winced as the raspberry jelly squirted out onto her hand.  Castle, laughing, swiped a bit of the jelly before it could slide off Kate’s hand and onto her paperwork, and suggestively licked it off his finger.  Kate rolled her eyes.  “Yes, Castle, the donut is indeed acceptable.”

Castle dimpled at her before turning to his daughter.  “So Alexis, what brings you to this fine establishment?”

“Just wanted to ask Kate for some advice,” Alexis said with a shrug and a smile.

“So, did the detective give good advice?”  Castle asked.

Alexis smiled.  “Yes, in fact she did, Father.”

“Of course.  When has Kate steered either of us wrong?”  Castle said with a dopey smile.  “Well, I guess there was that time with the – oh no, that’s wildly inappropriate.  Or the–”

“Castle,” Kate interrupted, “You’ve already used this joke.  Twice.  In the past week.”

“Fine,” Castle sighed melodramatically, “So what were you asking Kate about?”

“Oh, just about a summer job,” Alexis said.

“At the Precinct?  We could carpool!  Or, well, share a cab.”  Castle grinned.

“Sorry Dad, I was thinking about modelling.”  Alexis grinned at her father’s flabbergasted look.

“Modelling?”

“Yes Dad, modelling.  Rina’s boss wants me to work for him this summer.”

“But…!”

“Rick,” Kate interrupted gently, “It would just be for the summer.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Castle said, distracted by Ryan’s furtive ‘get over here’ motions.  “One sec; it looks like Ryan needs me for a minute.”  He ambled off towards the other two detectives and the three began speaking in hushed tones.  Esposito pointed something on his monitor and Castle’s eyes widened as he leaned in closer to the screen.

“Alexis,” Kate said, drawing Alexis’ attention away from her father.  “About what Paige said about you not having to work because your dad is rich?  Work anyway.  My parents had money too and I never had to worry about college funds or anything, but I found that I just felt better if I was providing for myself.”

Alexis just looked at Kate for several beats before smiling slightly.  “Yeah.”  She said.  “I think I’m the same way.”

Castle’s low whistle echoed throughout the still bullpen and Kate and Alexis returned their attention to the men.  “That had got to be one uncomfortable position to stand in – and who holds a tennis racket like that?”

Kate’s eyes widened.  “You didn’t!”  Her green eyes narrowed as she pushed herself up from behind the desk.

“Uh oh,” Ryan said.

“Scatter!”  Esposito commanded and the three men shot off in different directions.  But Kate was only interested in hunting down one man.  The man holding the flash drive.  The man who was going to be sleeping on the couch for the next few days.

“Richard Nathaniel Castle GIVE ME THAT FLASH DRIVE!” Kate yelled as Castle jumped between the closing doors of the elevator.  Karpowski just looked at Castle.  He smiled back widely.

Kate, seeing that the elevator had already left, skidded around the corner and wrenched open the door to the stairs and barrelled down them.

After a few moments of stillness, Montgomery stepped out of his office as Ryan and Esposito slunk out of the men’s washroom.  The three men gathered around the youngest Castle and stared at the elevator in amusement.

“We’re not going to see them for another hour, are we?”  Alexis asked after a long moment.  A chorus of nopes, uh uhs and yeah rights echoed from the bullpen.  “Thought so.  I think I’ll just take the subway home.”

Written mostly because I have a huge soft spot for mom!Beckett fics and because I’m currently on a quest to see how many Castle/Beckett fics I can write without them ever actually kissing.  I’m up to three (by a technicality).  And a half, if you count the half-finished fic languishing on my hard drive.

As ever, thanks is owed, and given, to the lovely Sarah/ObsidianJade for telling me that I forgot important words like ‘not’ and one of Alexis’ lines.  Without her, my stories would be even more nonsensical.

Nikki Heat smirked inwardly as she swept, fashionably late, into Rook’s magazine’s cocktail party.  The formfitting wine red dress, accented in gold, drew looks and the lithe, athletic form it cased kept the gazes on Nikki.  Despite all of the admiring stares, Nikki felt Rook’s eyes on her and she turned to face him with a saucy smile.  Rook’s Adam’s apple bobbed and he absently set his champagne glass on a nearby table.  The air between the two smouldered and the other partygoers unconsciously cleared a direct route to Nikki for Rook.

They stood facing each other, standing just a bit closer than polite society demands, and the tension crackled in the slight space between them.

Rook gave Nikki an appreciative once over (lingering on her cleavage, Nikki noted.  Not that she minded – if she hadn’t wanted him to get a good look, she would have worn a dress with a higher neckline) with a slightly lecherous smirk.  “You clean up well, Detective.”

Nikki gave Rook a once over of her own.  “And you need to shave, Rook.”

Rook ran his hand across his jaw.  “You think, Detective?”  He took half a step closer and pulled Nikki into his arms.  “Shall we dance?”

Nikki stepped out of his arms with a slight shove to Rook’s chest.  “We’re in the entryway, Rook.  And nobody is dancing.”

Undaunted, Rook placed Nikki’s arm through his.  “Then shall we relocate to the dance floor?”

Nikki rolled her eyes, “We’re at a cocktail party.  I want a cocktail.”

“The bar it is!” Rook swept Nikki off without a pause.  At the open bar, Rook was able to cut through the crowd with a smile and handful of humorous quips.  There was something to be said about being on the arm of a man who won two Pulitzers.  “Bubblies for me, sir, and the lady will have…?”

“A tequila sunrise.”

The bartender smiled and his eyes lingered a tad too long on Nikki’s cleavage.  Both Nikki and Rook frowned in response and Rook edged possessively closer to the detective.  Nikki’s frown deepened as she realised that, while she had no problem with Rook getting an eyeful, she genuinely didn’t like the idea of the bartender getting a good look as well.  Odd; she never had felt that way before – even when she’d tell men to keep their eyes up she’d be inwardly preening.  And Rook’s possessiveness.  Normally a move like that would guarantee a stiletto digging in the unfortunate man’s foot but Nikki felt herself almost leaning into his warmth.

Odd.

Fortunately, the bartender was quick with their drinks and Nikki didn’t have to contemplate her unexpected personality change as Rook had swept her off again.  Nikki didn’t mind that so much as Rook was making a direct line towards Roach – precisely the same direction she would have gone.

Conversation was brief, though, as both Raley and Ochoa were clearly more interested in the women and all four were aware that there was a small chance of any approaching for them with Nikki and Rook around.  Nikki may have been the boss and she may have been standing too close to Rook, but she was a beautiful woman that shared an obvious bond with the other two detectives.  And Rook?  Rook, intentionally or not, always stole the spotlight.

So Rook and Nikki drifted from group to group, rarely straying more than an arm’s length from each other, but generally standing just slightly too close together.  Another flute of champagne and a tequila sunrise passed and the time spent making small talk decreased as the tension and lust rose between Heat and Rook – the other partygoers were quick to excuse themselves from the uncomfortably exclusive atmosphere Nikki and Rook generated.

In a quiet moment amongst the boisterous chaos of a slightly drunk crowd of writers, editors, publishers, various other hanger-ons and their dates, Rook plucked Nikki’s nearly empty glass from her hand and set it on a nearby ledge.

“May I now have a dance?” Rook smiled, slightly hazily.  Nikki gave a languid smile back and swiped her glass off the ledge.  She downed the fiery remnants of drink and stepped closer to Rook.

“You may now,” Nikki said with a slight purr in her voice, “But no one else is dancing.”

Rook gave her a huge, boyish grin.  “Does it matter?” He asked, leading Nikki to an open spot perfect for dancing.  He pulled her into his arms and Nikki relaxed into him with a smile.

“I suppose not,” she admitted as they began to move softly to the music.

“So how shall we dance?  A waltz?”  Rook asked, leading them into a few steps of the waltz, “Or a foxtrot?”  He abruptly switched dances and Nikki moved with him fluidly.  “Or perhaps a tango?”  Rook spun Nikki out and reeled her back in with a flourish.  Nikki’s breath caught and her heart raced as Rook’s thigh slid between her own.  “I know!”  Rook exclaimed and drew back a bit from Nikki.  “The jitterbug!”  Rook switched perfectly into the dance and pulled a laughing Nikki along with him.  God it was fantastic – the band, noticing the dancing couple, also switched smoothly into a song perfect for the jitterbug – and Nikki had never laughed this hard whilst dancing and she had certainly never felt the room melt away to leave just her and her partner behind.  Dancing for fun and not a precursor to sex was something she hadn’t done for a long time.

A few brave couples ended up joining in on Nikki and Rook’s dance, including Ochoa and a lady he had skilfully charmed, and the band playing a more modern song next caused more people to join the impromptu dance floor.

“Well look at that,” Rook said with a smile as he pulled Nikki close to him, “We’re trendsetters.”  They started dancing again, too close together to fit a sheet of paper through, and Nikki knew that this dance was a precursor to sex.  But then Rook gave her a playful smile and a devilish wink and she realised that, with Rook, the jitterbug was as well.

The blood flowed headily throughout Nikki’s body as she swayed provocatively with Rook.  They lasted another dance, almost two, before Rook’s hand slid down to cup her nicely shaped (and firmly toned) ass and squeezed gently.  Nikki gasped and her back arched slightly, pushing her breasts into Rook’s chest and he smiled down at her, eyes dark with lust.  As Nikki smiled back up at him, she realised that she didn’t want to wait until they got to her apartment – she didn’t even want to wait until they got into a cab.  Her eyes took on a smoky darkness as she tugged Rook gently through the crowd.

They stumbled into a secluded corner and crashed together, lips moving fiercely and panting wetly between frantic kisses.  Rook’s hands were lifting up her dress and Nikki was making a mess out of his tie when she finally managed to pull back long enough to gasp a single word.

“Where?”  She asked, diving right back into their kiss.  Rook groaned and pulled back unwillingly.

“I know where a secondary coat closet is,” Rook mumbled between kisses.  “It won’t be in use – there aren’t enough people here tonight.”

“Great,” Nikki had finally managed to remove his tie and, at loss of where to put it, she shoved it in his jacket pocket, “Lead us there.”

Rook led Nikki stealthily, or as stealthily as they could manage (which wasn’t very – their disappearance and brief, dishevelled reappearance had attracted the attention of Raley, who wasn’t having as much luck with the ladies as either of his friends), and, laughing (Nikki refused to admit that she, quite possibly, was giggling), lurched into the fortunately unlocked, and unused, coat closet.

Unable to think of a way to keep the door closed, Rook pushed Nikki up against it and she pulled him forcibly down for another kiss.  Nikki’s hands made quick work of the buttons on his shirt, this time not daring to rip them off since they still had to leave the building with some semblance of normality, and she ran her hands appreciatively over Rook’s nicely defined chest.  Rook moaned and nipped sharply at Nikki’s neck as she brushed her thumb over one of his flat nipples.  Her hands trailed down his chest and her nails scratched at his stomach before undoing his fly and starting to push down his pants.

Rook gripped Nikki’s hips with both hands and hoisted her up against the door.  She swiftly wrapped her legs around Rook’s waist and gasped though when Rook pushed down her (thankfully braless) dress and closed a hot mouth over her nipple.

“God, Rook!” She gasped and she felt Rook’s mouth curve into a smug smile against her breast.  Nikki feverishly attempted to push his boxers down with her feet and, with little success, gripped the back of Rook’s jacket tightly.  Rook pushed Nikki’s dress up and his eyes widened when he unexpectedly didn’t come across something.

Nikki smirked slyly, “One can’t have panty lines in a dress like this.”

“Oh God,” Rook said and pulled her in for a searing kiss.

Nikki pulled back desperately, “Do you-”

“Jacket pocket.  The one without the tie.”  Despite their best efforts, and they did almost manage to at least remove his boxers, rolling the condom on was a task not suited for either of their current manual dexterity and Nikki was forced to drop to the floor as Rook hurriedly put it on.  Nikki was soon pushed up against the door with Rook pushing into her and both let out a sigh of sheer bliss.

Rook paused for a moment and smiled at Nikki, gently, almost chastely, kissing her.  After that kiss, it was fast and hot and explosive and everything that Nikki needed right then and it was a moment so close to perfect and she felt hot tears building in her eyes.  And Rook collapsed against her, burying his face between her shoulder and her neck and she heard her feet hit the floor but didn’t feel it, still too wrapped up in the man whose hair she was running through her fingers.

“Wow,” Rook finally said, mumbling into her shoulder.  He placed a gentle kiss there and pulled back to see Nikki’s face.

“Yeah,” Nikki agreed.  “Wow.”

“Do you want to go back to my apartment?” Rook asked after a long pause.

“Right now?” Nikki asked.

“Yeah,” Rook said.

“Okay,” Nikki agreed, pulling her dress reasonably into order.  She helped Rook do up the buttons on his shirt, stealing gentle kisses as she did up each one.  They both attempted to smooth down each other’s hair but chalking it up as an impossible task.

“We’ll just have to sneak out then,” Rook said, “And hope that nobody notices us.”  Nikki slowly opened the door and glanced into the hallway.

“Clear,” she murmured and Rook laughed.  “What?”

“Always a cop, aren’t you, Detective?”  Nikki swatted him playfully and Rook retaliated by pulling her flush to his side.  The two ambled along, Nikki cuddled up against his side, wrapped up in each other and forgetting to make a quick escape.  They rounded a corner and spotted a side door, and they smiled, thinking that they were home free.

No such luck.

“Well, well, well,” Raley’s voice drifted down the hall and the two whipped around to see him, and Ochoa (who had evidently decided that watching his boss sneak out of a party far more entertaining than the woman he was dancing with), walking their way towards Nikki and Rook.

“Leaving without saying goodbye,” Ochoa placed a hand melodramatically over his heart.  “I’m wounded, guys.”

“I’m sure you’ll get over it,” Nikki said, her sharp tone unwillingly softened by the blush staining her cheeks.

“And we are saying goodbye now,” Rook said, tightening his arm around Nikki’s waist and turning them around.

“You two have a good night,” Raley called to their backs.

“Don’t stay up too late – tomorrow’s a Wednesday!” Ochoa added.

“No, no, please do – I’d like to have a morning off,” Roach grinned as their boss, not turning around, flipped them the bird whilst exiting the building.

“C’mon,” Raley said to Ochoa, “Let’s get back to the party – now that Rook is gone, there’ll be more women out there for us.”

I was wrong.

Writing smutfic about a character who shares a name with you is way weirder.

Coincidently enough, this was written, primarily, between the hours of one and three am on Sunday night.

Thanks is owed, as always, to Sarah (ObsidianJade) who was quick to point out some rather… anatomically difficult tasks I had assigned Nikki and Rook as well as assuring me that I totally didn’t completely fail at my latest writing venture.  Sometimes even this arrogant scientist needs reassuring.

—

It was two am and Katherine Beckett could not sleep.  Not an uncommon occurrence – her all nighters spent staring at the murder board, followed by power naps in the break room, (and that time she broke into the Captain’s office and passed out on his much more comfortable couch) were a bit of a legend in the Twelfth Precinct.  But it wasn’t murder keeping Beckett awake that night.

No.

It was far more frustrating problem.  And it was all Castle’s fault.

The relaxing bubble bath with wine, scented candles and soft, ambient music, while perhaps a good idea for unwinding after a long day of paperwork with none of Castle’s antics, turned out to be not-so-relaxing when she hauled in her collection Richard Castle’s novels.  Even that, though, would not have been a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that the wine went straight to her head (or maybe a little farther south) and she started her own Castle smutathon.

And so, by the time the water cooled, Kate Beckett had spent over an hour in the bath reading in chronological order, of course, Castle’s twenty-six (seven, including Heat Wave) bestsellers (plus the ones that didn’t sell quite so well) purely for the sex scenes.

Yeah.

Bad idea.

Especially, Kate rolled over and groaned into her pillow, since I used to wear off this Castlelust by writing smutty Derrick Storm fic.

But, no, Kate Beckett was not going to lower herself to writing fanfiction for books written by a man she saw damn near every day.  It was bad enough knowing that she had written them in the past, and even posted them to the internet (on multiple sites, even!), but she was certainly not going to lower herself to writing them again.

Especially since, as soon as Castle started following her around, she had mass deleted all of the fanfiction she had ever written about his characters.  Sadly, her resolve had only lasted a week – she had caved to the online peer pressure and reposted all of the fics, mostly to prove that she wasn’t one of the fans who vowed to Never Read Richard Castle Again Since He Killed Off Derrick Storm.

End result?  She was still active in the Castle communities and had watched the explosion of fic that had followed the release of Heat Wave.  It was alarming.  People really liked the Nikki Heat character – there were, of course, the obligatory Nikki Heat bashfics (briiiiing Derrick Storm baaaack!), but overall, the authors seemed to revel in her literary alter ego.

Kate sighed and beat her fist into her pillow.  Clearly she wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight, and her friends had been clamouring for some Heat/Rook smut from her…  How hard could it be to write about Nikki Heat?  She knew as much, more even, about the character as Castle did.  And it wasn’t as if she couldn’t figure out Rook.

Oh, God.

She was not seriously considering writing for a ship that was, for all intents and purposes, her and Castle.

But Castle did, her traitorous mind pointed out.  He clearly has no problems with our alter egos getting it on.

Ultimately, that was what convinced Kate to boot up her laptop, pour herself another glass of wine and open Word.  She stared at the blank document, feeling more embarrassed than the first time she wrote a Castle smut fic – and that had been years upon years ago before there was even a hint of Derrick Storm on the horizon.  She took a large swallow of wine for fortification and, shuddering, she began to write.

Nikki Heat smirked inwardly as she swept, fashionably late, into Rook’s magazine’s cocktail party.  The formfitting wine red dress, accented in gold, drew looks and the lithe, athletic form it cased kept the gazes on Nikki.  Despite all of the admiring stares, Nikki felt Rook’s eyes on her and she turned to face him with a saucy smile.  Rook’s Adam’s apple bobbed and he absently set his champagne glass on a nearby table.  The air between the two smouldered and the other partygoers unconsciously cleared a direct route to Nikki for Rook….

–

“Good morning, Beckett!” Castle swivelled around in a chair – her chair – with a beatific grin on his face.  “Coffee?”

Kate growled faintly, accepted the coffee and glared, annoyed by Castle’s perpetual chair stealing.  Castle looked blankly up at her for a moment before the flash of understanding went across his face.  The man either never bothered to hide his emotions or had inherited more than his charm and flair from the dramatic from his mother.

Seemingly in response to her thoughts (perhaps he inherited the psychic powers as well?), Castle had leapt up and held out her chair in a gentlemanly manner.  With a small smile and a mostly feigned suspicious look, Beckett sank gracefully into her seat and Castle gallantly rolled her forward.  She raised an eyebrow at his antics and he just smiled and gave an extravagant bow.

“My, my Beckett, are those bags under your lovely eyes?  Were you up all night?  Was it murder?  I’m hurt – why didn’t you call me?” Castle’s shocked air turned lascivious and he leaned in, “Or was it a man?”

Beckett rolled her eyes.  “Hardly.”

Castle gasped, one hand flying to his heart.  “It was a woman!  Why didn’t you call me, Beckett?”

Beckett huffed, “Don’t flatter yourself, Castle.  What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“I woke up early this morning – really early – five am early – and I have finally managed to bypass Alexis’ parental controls on my–” Castle started.

“Ah!” Beckett held up a hand.  “I do not need to hear any more!”

“No, no,” Castle said, “You’ve got it all wrong – the parental controls weren’t for, uh, adult sites (why would I need those anyway?), they were for the Castle fansites.”

“The Castle fansites?” Beckett said blankly.

“Yes!  And in the year I’ve been away, there has been a veritable explosion of activity!  My favourite author–”

“Favourite author?”

“Of fanfiction.  It turns out that she had deleted all of her stories, but not because of the killing off Derrick Storm thing, and reposted it in the time I’ve been away.  She hadn’t written anything new, though, until just this morning (it was fate, I swear!) and, whew, let me tell you, that was one hot scene between Heat and Rook.”  Castle sighed happily.  “I really wish I could meet this woman.”

Kate Beckett just stared at him in horror.

—

A/N: My attempts at swearing off writing fanfiction never seem to succeed… which is insanely meta considering the subject matter of this fic.  So, yes, maybe Kate is a little too much like me but, hey, it’s crack!fic.

Unrelated, but awesome(ish) – this fic was the first fanfic posted publicly to Google Wave.  Go Castle fandom!

I blame my beta, Sarah (ObsidianJade), for this fic (even if it was an accidental self-prompt).  Somehow both of the fics I wrote in the past year are all her fault.

PS:  I now know how weird it is for people to write fic about characters who share their name.  I’m still not sure if I should be offended by Nikki Heat or not…

ObsidianJade adds:  I’ll happily take blame for this one, it’s hilarious.  I’d happily take blame for a multitude more of stories from Nikki, but she doesn’t co-operate!